There's solace a bit, in submitting to the fitfully, cryptically true

brandil @ 2008-03-06T14:52:00

2008-03-06T19:54:36Z

So, this is the end of . I'm not deleting, but I won't be going further with this Journal. Please to be reading below for specifics of *why*. This is also the end of my current e-mail address, I'll be contacting some of you later with my new info. I've asked ladycat777 and moosesal to act as gatekeepers for my new identity. Andrea agreed, I haven't heard back from Sal yet, but I'm sure she won't mind.

I won't be able to friend all of you back, because it's too easy to track. I won't be able to transfer my interests, or a dozen other things I haven't even thought of yet.

I should be more eloquent as I say goodbye, shouldn't I?

As usual words fail me.

Advice from a Detective please eliminate my name and post this far and wide, I can't unlock it obviously, but this is stuff everyone should know.

Hi, Brandi. I wish we were corresponding under better circumstances. I'm really shocked and sorry to hear that you're having this problem. Heather called and told me to check my email for this message. I see this sort of thing a lot in my job and sometimes these disturbed individuals go away and sometimes they don't.

I would like to tell you that he just wants attention and nothing more- any kind he can get and any way he can get it. However, based on what you've presented to me it appears that his obsession has gone far beyond that. Even after numerous and generous attempts at clearly communicating to him that you're not interested, he still persists and does so with an air of over-confidence and intimidation. You obviously feel threatened. I don't blame you for being frightened and no one should go through every day feeling like a target or a prisoner in their home.

I'm not going to sugar coat this for you because I think you are aware of just how dangerous this behavior is. Right now you feel afraid because you don't know how much he knows about you and your daily routines. You don't know where he is, what he's driving at the moment, what his obsession has led him to do in terms of surveillance, enlisting aid of others, etc.

You are a very confident, independent, attractive, and strong young woman and people like him see those qualities as a challenge. They want to break your will through intimidation. I don't know what your history or past involvement is with him, but it sounds like he hasn't let go. Over a decade of rejections and he's still struggling for control over you and ultimately and subconsciously himself.

Your attorney probably told you this but if not, one of the most important things you can do is documentation of these events as they occur. It is a common phrase to hear in law enforcement that "if it's not written down,then it didn't happen." The written word carries a lot of weight in establishing credibility and admissibility of evidence. He has and is committing a crime against you. You should keep a journal of these events to include at least dates, times, details of the contact and or interaction, and what you did about it.

File police reports where appropriate. You can file reports for harassment and stalking. From what you've told me, he is stalking you and that is a crime that's on the law books! If it's primarily in one law enforcement jurisdiction then file it with that one. If it is overlapping in multiple jurisdictions, then you may consider filing multiple reports. If you do only one, make sure the reporting officer is aware of what has happened in other areas so that it can be included in the report. If you have copies of emails, your phone records, or anything to substantiate your reported offense, then make those copies and give them to the officer at the time of the report.

Your attorney advised you on seeing a magistrate for a restraining order. This was excellent advice in that it not only documents that this is happening, but gives you legal reinforcement if he breaks the terms of the order and then he can be arrested. He can be arrested if he comes near you or has any communication with you in any way to include in person, phones, other electronic (texts and emails), or third parties. There have been in the last couple of years modifications to laws and case law to support more strict enforcement of these orders due to statistical increases in violence resulting from stalkers- especially in cases of domestic violence, but luckily it doesn't sound like that's your situation.

It's unfortunate that this man has pushed himself on you to the point that you now have to change and modify your lifestyle to accommodate his deviant behavior.

In regards to your question about firearms as protection, you can find many concealed carry permit classes in all areas of the state. You can contact your local Sheriff's Department for information on that even though the classes may be privately done. If you're thinking about getting or carrying a gun, I highly recommend going to one of these classes. You'll get some time shooting with some limited training. You'll get training on weapon safety and the legalities of what you can and can't do. If you would like for me to check into classes coming up in a geographic area that you prefer let me know.

If you're interested in getting a handgun I would recommend something smaller and easily concealed, but also one that's effective (such as a ROSSI 351 .38 Special, five shot). I don't know what experience you have with firearms, but if it's been very limited, I understand that the ROSSI is a good self-protection gun. As handguns go, it's relatively inexpensive. It's a revolver and not a semi-automatic. With revolvers you may not have as many shots as with semi-autos, but they're very reliable and it's less likely for a person to screw up the operation of the weapon in a stressful situation. If you like semi-autos, KELTEC makes good guns that area very easy to conceal, but I've heard mixed opinions on their performance. You can get them in a variety of calibers to include the .38 or 9mm which are good calibers for what you're looking for. KELTEC is also relatively inexpensive as handgun prices go.

You can go to places like Duncan's Gun Shop, Church's Hardware, or Ed and Dale's that sell new and used, or you may find a good deal at a pawn shop.
If you get a handgun, you'll have to go to your Sheriff's Department and request a permit. Once you have that, then you can go and purchase your gun.

One thing you should keep in mind with guns, tasers, pepper spray, mace, air horns, etc. is that if you carry them in a bag or purse, they may not be easily accessible in the heat of an attack. That's why I recommend some good close quarters combatives training.

You absolutely should consider this man dangerous. I don't want to suggest being paranoid all the time but I would suggest raising awareness. After going through this for such a long time I'm sure there are ways that you've increased your awareness of your surroundings. Awareness is the most effective self-defense tool in your personal protection tool box. I do this because it sounds as if you feel that your personal safety is at risk. I'll make some fundamental suggestions in modifying your life that you may have already put into practice. If you have I apologize for the redundancy.

* For one thing, patterned behaviors are easy to observe and remember such as driving routes. If it is possible, change your routes to the various places that you go to such as work, the gym, grocery store, home. Pick out safe places along the way that you can get to in the event of an emergency. Keep in mind things such as lighting, traffic volume on the road and parking lots, and pedestrian traffic during the times that you are out.

* Keep your cell phone handy at all times. Depending on the design, it makes a very effective striking weapon.

* The same is true for car, business, and house keys while walking to either. Also makes a very effective striking weapon.

* Carry a flashlight. I'm a strong advocate of carrying small yet bright flashlights any time of the day, but in particular during low light conditions. Ink pens also work well and I actually do carry an ink pen most of time. I have trained with someone that has a short video on using these tools for self-defense on his website (directly to video): http://systemofstrategy.com/james-williams/

* Communicate with people regularly and especially in times when you feel the threat level is higher. Tell someone you're leaving work and going home or vice versa. It sounds like a hassle and may be a blow to an independent person's ego, but it's just a good precaution.

* When walking alone, talk or act like you're talking on your cell phone. Sometimes this will deter people from attacking. Remember that if you have a dead phone that you can still call 911 and it works provided you have charge and signal.

* One good deterrence believe it or not, is how you carry yourself. Walk with confidence and have good posturing (you usually do). People that walk around taking baby steps and constantly looking around in obvious fear are ideal targets- like the straggler falling behind the fleeing herd. Don't look weak and don't be an easy target.

* Get some training. I know you've had cardio kickboxing, but as far as practical combative training I'm not aware if you've had any. The cardio stuff is excellent in that you've been doing it for so long now, that you're well conditioned for many of the strikes that you could use in a defensive situation and they will probably flow second nature. Also you've probably got great endurance. However, if you haven't trained for physical combat such as in striking a real person or targets in motion, or going through the movements of a chaotic, stressful, and exhausting defense against someone attacking you with violent intent, then you're missing out. My advice based on my training and experience in martial arts and combatives training, is get something- anything is better than nothing if it gives you an increased chance of survival. I would avoid classical martial arts and concentrate on more combat practical disciplines (ex. Krav Maga). The down side is that good schools are usually far away and require some travel. So if you have to resort to training videos, it's better than nothing! Not that I'm the best person available to train with, but I would be glad to help anyway I can. Maybe you and Heather could do it together.

* You may also modify your online behavior. If you have certain forums or chatrooms that you visit, he probably knows it and can recognize you. If you're on social networking websites like myspace, be very careful what you display on there. There are various online resources to find someone's information that are available to the public. I recently was made aware of one where you can track the online movements of a "friend" if you have only their email address. It doesn't give you their entire online search history, but if they are participating in forums or social networking it shows where they've been and where to find them. I know that you used to have a blog that I enjoyed reading in regards to life and tv shows, etc. This sort of thing although fun and recreational, allows some psycho to think he's getting close to you- that you want him to get to know you better. An innocent activity but can contribute to a knuckle-head's delusion.

* Another thing is being aware of what's going on close to you. If possible I would make sure that he, relatives, and friends are not working at places like the power company, water department, cable or satellite TV company, Postal or UPS or FEDEX service, your auto garage, video store, financial institution, pharmacies, cell phone or other phone companies, law enforcement, or any place where he has access to information about you. Information is very easy to obtain about a person, especially online.

* I know this sounds really paranoid, but people can easily purchase GPS tracking systems that are small and relatively easy to hide on someone's car. They can sit at home and watch your global movements in your car on their PC. Many of these attach with a magnet. You might check your car over to see if anything looks unusual- particularly in the fender wells and in behind the bumpers if there's a metal surface. They can be placed on the undercarriage as the magnets are strong enough to withstand a lot of punishment without interfering with the electronics of the GPS.

* I believe you told me before that you had some self-installed alarms in your home. Make regular checks to see if they're working okay.

* There's lots of other things I could suggest, but these are some of the basics.

You do have the one advantage of knowing who he is and what he looks like. With this knowledge you can more easily see him coming, and you can file reports, request restraining orders, and have warrants issued if necessary.

In summary of my thousand page essay (sorry):

* Document in a personal journal details of all incidents
* Train and educate yourself
* Increase awareness
* Modify personal behaviors
* File restraining orders and report to law enforcement any incidents

Fic! SGA: Who He Is

2008-03-03T14:23:33Z

Fandom: Stargate Atlantis [I have been assimilated]
Title: He Knows Who He Is
Notes/Summary: Team Replicator Fic. Universe open to anyone who wants to play.
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, nor do I profit from playing with them.
Beta:
Rating: PG-13 implied fivesome. Is that a term?

Ronon knows who he is and who he isn't. He's a warrior, a Satedan, and a member of Sheppard's team. What he is not is the "other" Ronon. He hasn't forgotten one second of his life -- not his family, not Melena, not running and killing and bringing death everywhere he went for seven years. He knows the others don't see themselves as different either.

Teyla doesn't miss her people any less because she has nanites in her blood. McKay isn't any less smart - without the distractions of Atlantis he's making leaps and bounds on three dozen other projects simultaneously. Sheppard is still a soldier willing to die for his team. The only one of them who seems to be different is Weir. And it's not that she's different, but without the daily pressures of keeping a city on its feet, organizing trade expeditions, and answering to a council that has its head up its collective ass she can actively help them.

Ronon leans back in his chair and props his legs on the table in an unconscious imitation of Sheppard. Weir draws a line marking off the second item on their list of primary objectives.

~~1. Set up a home base~~

Teyla wanted Athos, Weir wanted an uninhabited planet. Sheppard argued in favor of finding a Genii compound and taking it by force. McKay overruled them all with his need for raw materials to create weapons, replacement parts for their ships, fuel sources, clothing, someplace they could find food without risking trade with Atlantis' partners. Sateda fit the bill. The people may have been killed and the largest cities mostly destroyed, but the armories were full and anything else they needed could be scavenged from the wreckage. So Ronon had offered. The others accepted and if he found himself haunted by memories that wouldn't go away, his team could chase them away with a warm look or touch.

~~2. Destroy the Replicators~~

It was Weir's idea and Teyla's contacts that put the plan in motion for the Wraith and Atlantis expedition to combine forces to take out the Replicators. McKay's confirmation that the enemy had been obliterated called for a celebration. Ronon hauled a case of clear liquor out of a hidden compartment in Kell's room. They drank and laughed, toasted one another until they'd fallen asleep or passed out one by one.

That was the night they started touching more. Teyla pressed her forehead to each of theirs in turn, then hands slid down arms until fingers were clasped, lips brushed cheeks, chests and thighs rubbed together. What McKay used to call "personal space" was everyone's space.

3. Track down and destroy Kolya

Sheppard never takes his eye off of this objective. They are only a couple of addresses behind him. When they catch him -- and they will catch him -- Ronon and Teyla are going to take out his men while Sheppard deals with Kolya personally. Ronon feels sure the celebration that night will end with his mouth around Sheppard's cock.

4. Track down and destroy Michael

This is closest to Teyla's heart. In all the planets they've traveled to, all of the plans they've set in motion (far more than the primary list would suggest) this is the one her attention never wavers from. When the Replicators made them, they did something to enhance Teyla's sense of the Wraith. She feels it like an itch under her skin from three times the distance as before. She can differentiate between them when she monitors their minds and has caught glimpses of Michael twice since they've taken off on their own. She won't discuss what she's seen or felt, but Ronon can feel the fury building. When it explodes, he knows it will be the most beautiful (and violent) thing he has ever witnessed.

When Teyla Emmagen destroys Michael, Ronon will be there. The entire team will be. Teyla will need them to ease her back down from that kill. They'll be ready.

5. Create a ZPM

This is the end goal. When McKay does this, they'll find Atlantis and rejoin their city. Ronon cares the least about this objective. He has his team, his family. Soft hands and warm eyes to soften the sting until his wounds heal themselves. Strong hands and arms to fight beside him and lean against when it's over. He has lazy times when they pile together in the sleeping bags and explore one another. Days and nights and days again when he's fighting, killing Wraith, tracking down enemies, laying traps to capture enemies.

He knows who he is. Ronon Dex.

He knows where he belongs. Here with these people that he would kill (and die) for.

brandil @ 2008-02-29T09:17:00

2008-02-29T14:18:18Z

Bet you thought I'd never rec again.

Me too.

Dark Angel

Chimera by jaguarcaine NC-17, Alec/Ames. This should be crack. It's not. It's a moving, emotional story that made me laugh out loud, squirm in my seat, and tear up a little bit. But it should still be crack. Alec goes into heat, Ames is the one who 'mates' with him.

Crossover

Firefly/SGA

Harsher and Kinder Both by idyll R, Ronon/Simon. Great voices, wonderful interaction, the kind of fic that stays with you for days.

Out of Place by ana_grrl Simon Tam in Atlantis. Nothing else needs to be said, that's awesome enough as it is.

Friday Night Lights

Vid

Handle Me With Care by bop_radar Season 2 vid that is simply *awesome*

Harry Potter

Monna Innominata by femmequixotic NC-17, Narcissa/Lucius, Snape/Narcissa, Snape/Narcissa/Lucius
Lucius returns from Azkaban. Warnings: rimming, mild dub-con, voyeurism, semi-public sex, infidelity. But there's more to this than that. There's love and lust and revenge and healing. And it's wonderful.

Once Upon a Time Turner by the_con_cept Snape/Harry, Snape/Snape, Snape/Harry/Snape, Harry/others 1 time turner, two snapes, and one of the best plots I've ever read. Hysterical. How have I not recced this?

A Tale of Horns: The inaugural "Tongues of Fire" photographic wall calendar by pushdragon NC-17. Draco/Harry, with a really special appearance by my very favorite of all the Weasleys, Charlie. The most beautifully pornographic fic I've ever read. Rimming like you would not believe.

Stargate: Atlantis It was only a matter of time before I was assimilated. I'm being assimilated into Torchwood as we speak.

Endless by ladycat777 Gen, Ronon, coda for the episode Reunion. She really gets into his head here. Great, great fic.

I named it A Fable in my delicious by ethrosdemon Ronon remembers a fable.

Unsaid by Arsenic. Ronon/Sheppard Ronon and Sheppard come together slowly. Follows canon through about 3.02. Nice long read.

Smallville

Objection (Tango) by talitha78 Clark/Lex, with Lana-as-Other-Woman Summary: The tango is a dance of violence and passion. Spoiler warnings: This is a season 6 and 7 vid with clips up to and including 7.12. Stunning vid. Of course, SV is one of the prettiest shows ever so that's a given *g*

Supernatural

I named it Fort Lauderdale in my delicious by ethrosdemon Wincest, NC-17. Kassie's take on the tattoos.

brandil @ 2008-02-01T14:27:00

2008-02-01T19:27:46Z

DC Universe

Once He Pursued by romanyg Bruce/Clark, Bruce/Selina, Clark/Lois, Bruce/Lois, Clark/Selina, Lois/Selina implied. Set 1958, Earth-2, after Bruce's retirement as Batman. He's currently Gotham's police commissioner. Clark and Lois are married. Bruce and Selina are married with a baby, Helena.

I'm not entirely sure what to say other than ::flail:: There's a timelessness of this but it's perfectly 1950s. Which makes no sense.

Gossip Girl

Worse Sheets to Tangle Than These by pirateygoodness Blair/Vanessa NC-17 Summary: Blair can't talk to anybody about it, obviously. Because the only person she could tell would be Serena, who would freak out and tell Dan, who would collapse into a fit of his incredibly feminine hysterics over how weird it was that his best friend and his girlfriend's best friend were the kinds of people who made out with girls during arty probably-Czech films, and then that would get back to Jenny, who would tell Kati and Is, who would leak it to Gossip Girl, and then Blair wouldn't just be Constance Billard's new Mary Magdalene. She'd be Constance Billard's new gay Mary Magdalene.

There's a chemistry between Blair and Vanessa at the end of the season that's tangible and tangled. This fic depicts it beautifully.

Vid

Million Ways to be Cruel by shoopdancer I never quite know what to say about vids other than WOW. So, WOW times 2

Harry Potter

As a Fish Drawn up from the Sea by lesyeuxverts00 Snape and McGonagall friendship, angst, hurt/comfort post DH. Incredible characterizations.

Nothing a Good Imperius Wouldn't Solve by afterthree "Snape has nearly gotten used to dealing with the darkness creeping sullenly through the back of his head." The tempting of Severus Snape. Emotionally wrenching and I think, probably as close to canon as fic can be. Pre-series.

The Simple Joy of Living by mahaliem When Viktor is attacked, Harry and Draco work together to find the culprit. There's never been a fic by Mahaliem I didn't love and this is is no exception. Poignant, nicely characterized and laugh out loud funny.

brandil @ 2008-01-10T14:38:00

2008-01-10T19:39:26Z

Grrrrrr.

I've been trying to tag entries since they didn't come over when I transferred everything and this stupid thing won't save my tags.

GRRRRRRRR

brandil @ 2008-01-09T14:04:00

2008-01-09T19:04:15Z

Thing to be excited about: NEW GOSSIP GIRL TONIGHT \o/\o/\o/ And the preview!!!! ::swoons::

Thing to be sad about: this is the last new Gossip Girl.

Thing to be excited about: NEW FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS

Thing to be sad about: Only five episodes left.

I looked up BSG last night and it doesn't come on until March which is a long, *long* time away. On the plus side the Sarah Connor Chronicles start Sunday and that looks *great*. I can't help but be pessimistic about how many episodes we'll get to see.

I'm all caught up with the HP fic exchanges (Salazar's Scrotum! Helga's Hymen! there are a lot of them those expletives came out of a fic I read that made me laugh until Sally thought I was insane), my to read pile has essentially disappeared and as soon as I get all caught up at work I'm going to start working on my on-going fic projects. Yay!

Friday Night Lights
Lyla/Tyra road trip fic

Gossip Girl
Tainted Love

Crossovers:
Gossip Girl/Cruel Intentions
Gossip Girl/Friday Night Lights

brandil @ 2007-12-18T21:06:00

2007-12-19T02:07:27Z

Hello IJ!! I have just uploaded every single icon I had on my computer. And I still haven't filled all the slots. That boggles my mind a bit. I can't stand the way my IJ looks. Anyone wanna help me out? Katie? April? Bueller?