So, this is the end of . I'm not deleting, but I won't be going further with this Journal. Please to be reading below for specifics of *why*. This is also the end of my current e-mail address, I'll be contacting some of you later with my new info. I've asked ladycat777 and moosesal to act as gatekeepers for my new identity. Andrea agreed, I haven't heard back from Sal yet, but I'm sure she won't mind.
I won't be able to friend all of you back, because it's too easy to track. I won't be able to transfer my interests, or a dozen other things I haven't even thought of yet.
I should be more eloquent as I say goodbye, shouldn't I?
As usual words fail me.
Advice from a Detective please eliminate my name and post this far and wide, I can't unlock it obviously, but this is stuff everyone should know.
Hi, Brandi. I wish we were corresponding under better circumstances. I'm really shocked and sorry to hear that you're having this problem. Heather called and told me to check my email for this message. I see this sort of thing a lot in my job and sometimes these disturbed individuals go away and sometimes they don't.
I would like to tell you that he just wants attention and nothing more- any kind he can get and any way he can get it. However, based on what you've presented to me it appears that his obsession has gone far beyond that. Even after numerous and generous attempts at clearly communicating to him that you're not interested, he still persists and does so with an air of over-confidence and intimidation. You obviously feel threatened. I don't blame you for being frightened and no one should go through every day feeling like a target or a prisoner in their home.
I'm not going to sugar coat this for you because I think you are aware of just how dangerous this behavior is. Right now you feel afraid because you don't know how much he knows about you and your daily routines. You don't know where he is, what he's driving at the moment, what his obsession has led him to do in terms of surveillance, enlisting aid of others, etc.
You are a very confident, independent, attractive, and strong young woman and people like him see those qualities as a challenge. They want to break your will through intimidation. I don't know what your history or past involvement is with him, but it sounds like he hasn't let go. Over a decade of rejections and he's still struggling for control over you and ultimately and subconsciously himself.
Your attorney probably told you this but if not, one of the most important things you can do is documentation of these events as they occur. It is a common phrase to hear in law enforcement that "if it's not written down,then it didn't happen." The written word carries a lot of weight in establishing credibility and admissibility of evidence. He has and is committing a crime against you. You should keep a journal of these events to include at least dates, times, details of the contact and or interaction, and what you did about it.
File police reports where appropriate. You can file reports for harassment and stalking. From what you've told me, he is stalking you and that is a crime that's on the law books! If it's primarily in one law enforcement jurisdiction then file it with that one. If it is overlapping in multiple jurisdictions, then you may consider filing multiple reports. If you do only one, make sure the reporting officer is aware of what has happened in other areas so that it can be included in the report. If you have copies of emails, your phone records, or anything to substantiate your reported offense, then make those copies and give them to the officer at the time of the report.
Your attorney advised you on seeing a magistrate for a restraining order. This was excellent advice in that it not only documents that this is happening, but gives you legal reinforcement if he breaks the terms of the order and then he can be arrested. He can be arrested if he comes near you or has any communication with you in any way to include in person, phones, other electronic (texts and emails), or third parties. There have been in the last couple of years modifications to laws and case law to support more strict enforcement of these orders due to statistical increases in violence resulting from stalkers- especially in cases of domestic violence, but luckily it doesn't sound like that's your situation.
It's unfortunate that this man has pushed himself on you to the point that you now have to change and modify your lifestyle to accommodate his deviant behavior.
In regards to your question about firearms as protection, you can find many concealed carry permit classes in all areas of the state. You can contact your local Sheriff's Department for information on that even though the classes may be privately done. If you're thinking about getting or carrying a gun, I highly recommend going to one of these classes. You'll get some time shooting with some limited training. You'll get training on weapon safety and the legalities of what you can and can't do. If you would like for me to check into classes coming up in a geographic area that you prefer let me know.
If you're interested in getting a handgun I would recommend something smaller and easily concealed, but also one that's effective (such as a ROSSI 351 .38 Special, five shot). I don't know what experience you have with firearms, but if it's been very limited, I understand that the ROSSI is a good self-protection gun. As handguns go, it's relatively inexpensive. It's a revolver and not a semi-automatic. With revolvers you may not have as many shots as with semi-autos, but they're very reliable and it's less likely for a person to screw up the operation of the weapon in a stressful situation. If you like semi-autos, KELTEC makes good guns that area very easy to conceal, but I've heard mixed opinions on their performance. You can get them in a variety of calibers to include the .38 or 9mm which are good calibers for what you're looking for. KELTEC is also relatively inexpensive as handgun prices go.
You can go to places like Duncan's Gun Shop, Church's Hardware, or Ed and Dale's that sell new and used, or you may find a good deal at a pawn shop.
If you get a handgun, you'll have to go to your Sheriff's Department and request a permit. Once you have that, then you can go and purchase your gun.
One thing you should keep in mind with guns, tasers, pepper spray, mace, air horns, etc. is that if you carry them in a bag or purse, they may not be easily accessible in the heat of an attack. That's why I recommend some good close quarters combatives training.
You absolutely should consider this man dangerous. I don't want to suggest being paranoid all the time but I would suggest raising awareness. After going through this for such a long time I'm sure there are ways that you've increased your awareness of your surroundings. Awareness is the most effective self-defense tool in your personal protection tool box. I do this because it sounds as if you feel that your personal safety is at risk. I'll make some fundamental suggestions in modifying your life that you may have already put into practice. If you have I apologize for the redundancy.
* For one thing, patterned behaviors are easy to observe and remember such as driving routes. If it is possible, change your routes to the various places that you go to such as work, the gym, grocery store, home. Pick out safe places along the way that you can get to in the event of an emergency. Keep in mind things such as lighting, traffic volume on the road and parking lots, and pedestrian traffic during the times that you are out.
* Keep your cell phone handy at all times. Depending on the design, it makes a very effective striking weapon.
* The same is true for car, business, and house keys while walking to either. Also makes a very effective striking weapon.
* Carry a flashlight. I'm a strong advocate of carrying small yet bright flashlights any time of the day, but in particular during low light conditions. Ink pens also work well and I actually do carry an ink pen most of time. I have trained with someone that has a short video on using these tools for self-defense on his website (directly to video): http://systemofstrategy.com/james-willi
* Communicate with people regularly and especially in times when you feel the threat level is higher. Tell someone you're leaving work and going home or vice versa. It sounds like a hassle and may be a blow to an independent person's ego, but it's just a good precaution.
* When walking alone, talk or act like you're talking on your cell phone. Sometimes this will deter people from attacking. Remember that if you have a dead phone that you can still call 911 and it works provided you have charge and signal.
* One good deterrence believe it or not, is how you carry yourself. Walk with confidence and have good posturing (you usually do). People that walk around taking baby steps and constantly looking around in obvious fear are ideal targets- like the straggler falling behind the fleeing herd. Don't look weak and don't be an easy target.
* Get some training. I know you've had cardio kickboxing, but as far as practical combative training I'm not aware if you've had any. The cardio stuff is excellent in that you've been doing it for so long now, that you're well conditioned for many of the strikes that you could use in a defensive situation and they will probably flow second nature. Also you've probably got great endurance. However, if you haven't trained for physical combat such as in striking a real person or targets in motion, or going through the movements of a chaotic, stressful, and exhausting defense against someone attacking you with violent intent, then you're missing out. My advice based on my training and experience in martial arts and combatives training, is get something- anything is better than nothing if it gives you an increased chance of survival. I would avoid classical martial arts and concentrate on more combat practical disciplines (ex. Krav Maga). The down side is that good schools are usually far away and require some travel. So if you have to resort to training videos, it's better than nothing! Not that I'm the best person available to train with, but I would be glad to help anyway I can. Maybe you and Heather could do it together.
* You may also modify your online behavior. If you have certain forums or chatrooms that you visit, he probably knows it and can recognize you. If you're on social networking websites like myspace, be very careful what you display on there. There are various online resources to find someone's information that are available to the public. I recently was made aware of one where you can track the online movements of a "friend" if you have only their email address. It doesn't give you their entire online search history, but if they are participating in forums or social networking it shows where they've been and where to find them. I know that you used to have a blog that I enjoyed reading in regards to life and tv shows, etc. This sort of thing although fun and recreational, allows some psycho to think he's getting close to you- that you want him to get to know you better. An innocent activity but can contribute to a knuckle-head's delusion.
* Another thing is being aware of what's going on close to you. If possible I would make sure that he, relatives, and friends are not working at places like the power company, water department, cable or satellite TV company, Postal or UPS or FEDEX service, your auto garage, video store, financial institution, pharmacies, cell phone or other phone companies, law enforcement, or any place where he has access to information about you. Information is very easy to obtain about a person, especially online.
* I know this sounds really paranoid, but people can easily purchase GPS tracking systems that are small and relatively easy to hide on someone's car. They can sit at home and watch your global movements in your car on their PC. Many of these attach with a magnet. You might check your car over to see if anything looks unusual- particularly in the fender wells and in behind the bumpers if there's a metal surface. They can be placed on the undercarriage as the magnets are strong enough to withstand a lot of punishment without interfering with the electronics of the GPS.
* I believe you told me before that you had some self-installed alarms in your home. Make regular checks to see if they're working okay.
* There's lots of other things I could suggest, but these are some of the basics.
You do have the one advantage of knowing who he is and what he looks like. With this knowledge you can more easily see him coming, and you can file reports, request restraining orders, and have warrants issued if necessary.
In summary of my thousand page essay (sorry):
* Document in a personal journal details of all incidents
* Train and educate yourself
* Increase awareness
* Modify personal behaviors
* File restraining orders and report to law enforcement any incidents
I won't be able to friend all of you back, because it's too easy to track. I won't be able to transfer my interests, or a dozen other things I haven't even thought of yet.
I should be more eloquent as I say goodbye, shouldn't I?
As usual words fail me.
Advice from a Detective please eliminate my name and post this far and wide, I can't unlock it obviously, but this is stuff everyone should know.
Hi, Brandi. I wish we were corresponding under better circumstances. I'm really shocked and sorry to hear that you're having this problem. Heather called and told me to check my email for this message. I see this sort of thing a lot in my job and sometimes these disturbed individuals go away and sometimes they don't.
I would like to tell you that he just wants attention and nothing more- any kind he can get and any way he can get it. However, based on what you've presented to me it appears that his obsession has gone far beyond that. Even after numerous and generous attempts at clearly communicating to him that you're not interested, he still persists and does so with an air of over-confidence and intimidation. You obviously feel threatened. I don't blame you for being frightened and no one should go through every day feeling like a target or a prisoner in their home.
I'm not going to sugar coat this for you because I think you are aware of just how dangerous this behavior is. Right now you feel afraid because you don't know how much he knows about you and your daily routines. You don't know where he is, what he's driving at the moment, what his obsession has led him to do in terms of surveillance, enlisting aid of others, etc.
You are a very confident, independent, attractive, and strong young woman and people like him see those qualities as a challenge. They want to break your will through intimidation. I don't know what your history or past involvement is with him, but it sounds like he hasn't let go. Over a decade of rejections and he's still struggling for control over you and ultimately and subconsciously himself.
Your attorney probably told you this but if not, one of the most important things you can do is documentation of these events as they occur. It is a common phrase to hear in law enforcement that "if it's not written down,then it didn't happen." The written word carries a lot of weight in establishing credibility and admissibility of evidence. He has and is committing a crime against you. You should keep a journal of these events to include at least dates, times, details of the contact and or interaction, and what you did about it.
File police reports where appropriate. You can file reports for harassment and stalking. From what you've told me, he is stalking you and that is a crime that's on the law books! If it's primarily in one law enforcement jurisdiction then file it with that one. If it is overlapping in multiple jurisdictions, then you may consider filing multiple reports. If you do only one, make sure the reporting officer is aware of what has happened in other areas so that it can be included in the report. If you have copies of emails, your phone records, or anything to substantiate your reported offense, then make those copies and give them to the officer at the time of the report.
Your attorney advised you on seeing a magistrate for a restraining order. This was excellent advice in that it not only documents that this is happening, but gives you legal reinforcement if he breaks the terms of the order and then he can be arrested. He can be arrested if he comes near you or has any communication with you in any way to include in person, phones, other electronic (texts and emails), or third parties. There have been in the last couple of years modifications to laws and case law to support more strict enforcement of these orders due to statistical increases in violence resulting from stalkers- especially in cases of domestic violence, but luckily it doesn't sound like that's your situation.
It's unfortunate that this man has pushed himself on you to the point that you now have to change and modify your lifestyle to accommodate his deviant behavior.
In regards to your question about firearms as protection, you can find many concealed carry permit classes in all areas of the state. You can contact your local Sheriff's Department for information on that even though the classes may be privately done. If you're thinking about getting or carrying a gun, I highly recommend going to one of these classes. You'll get some time shooting with some limited training. You'll get training on weapon safety and the legalities of what you can and can't do. If you would like for me to check into classes coming up in a geographic area that you prefer let me know.
If you're interested in getting a handgun I would recommend something smaller and easily concealed, but also one that's effective (such as a ROSSI 351 .38 Special, five shot). I don't know what experience you have with firearms, but if it's been very limited, I understand that the ROSSI is a good self-protection gun. As handguns go, it's relatively inexpensive. It's a revolver and not a semi-automatic. With revolvers you may not have as many shots as with semi-autos, but they're very reliable and it's less likely for a person to screw up the operation of the weapon in a stressful situation. If you like semi-autos, KELTEC makes good guns that area very easy to conceal, but I've heard mixed opinions on their performance. You can get them in a variety of calibers to include the .38 or 9mm which are good calibers for what you're looking for. KELTEC is also relatively inexpensive as handgun prices go.
You can go to places like Duncan's Gun Shop, Church's Hardware, or Ed and Dale's that sell new and used, or you may find a good deal at a pawn shop.
If you get a handgun, you'll have to go to your Sheriff's Department and request a permit. Once you have that, then you can go and purchase your gun.
One thing you should keep in mind with guns, tasers, pepper spray, mace, air horns, etc. is that if you carry them in a bag or purse, they may not be easily accessible in the heat of an attack. That's why I recommend some good close quarters combatives training.
You absolutely should consider this man dangerous. I don't want to suggest being paranoid all the time but I would suggest raising awareness. After going through this for such a long time I'm sure there are ways that you've increased your awareness of your surroundings. Awareness is the most effective self-defense tool in your personal protection tool box. I do this because it sounds as if you feel that your personal safety is at risk. I'll make some fundamental suggestions in modifying your life that you may have already put into practice. If you have I apologize for the redundancy.
* For one thing, patterned behaviors are easy to observe and remember such as driving routes. If it is possible, change your routes to the various places that you go to such as work, the gym, grocery store, home. Pick out safe places along the way that you can get to in the event of an emergency. Keep in mind things such as lighting, traffic volume on the road and parking lots, and pedestrian traffic during the times that you are out.
* Keep your cell phone handy at all times. Depending on the design, it makes a very effective striking weapon.
* The same is true for car, business, and house keys while walking to either. Also makes a very effective striking weapon.
* Carry a flashlight. I'm a strong advocate of carrying small yet bright flashlights any time of the day, but in particular during low light conditions. Ink pens also work well and I actually do carry an ink pen most of time. I have trained with someone that has a short video on using these tools for self-defense on his website (directly to video): http://systemofstrategy.com/james-willi
* Communicate with people regularly and especially in times when you feel the threat level is higher. Tell someone you're leaving work and going home or vice versa. It sounds like a hassle and may be a blow to an independent person's ego, but it's just a good precaution.
* When walking alone, talk or act like you're talking on your cell phone. Sometimes this will deter people from attacking. Remember that if you have a dead phone that you can still call 911 and it works provided you have charge and signal.
* One good deterrence believe it or not, is how you carry yourself. Walk with confidence and have good posturing (you usually do). People that walk around taking baby steps and constantly looking around in obvious fear are ideal targets- like the straggler falling behind the fleeing herd. Don't look weak and don't be an easy target.
* Get some training. I know you've had cardio kickboxing, but as far as practical combative training I'm not aware if you've had any. The cardio stuff is excellent in that you've been doing it for so long now, that you're well conditioned for many of the strikes that you could use in a defensive situation and they will probably flow second nature. Also you've probably got great endurance. However, if you haven't trained for physical combat such as in striking a real person or targets in motion, or going through the movements of a chaotic, stressful, and exhausting defense against someone attacking you with violent intent, then you're missing out. My advice based on my training and experience in martial arts and combatives training, is get something- anything is better than nothing if it gives you an increased chance of survival. I would avoid classical martial arts and concentrate on more combat practical disciplines (ex. Krav Maga). The down side is that good schools are usually far away and require some travel. So if you have to resort to training videos, it's better than nothing! Not that I'm the best person available to train with, but I would be glad to help anyway I can. Maybe you and Heather could do it together.
* You may also modify your online behavior. If you have certain forums or chatrooms that you visit, he probably knows it and can recognize you. If you're on social networking websites like myspace, be very careful what you display on there. There are various online resources to find someone's information that are available to the public. I recently was made aware of one where you can track the online movements of a "friend" if you have only their email address. It doesn't give you their entire online search history, but if they are participating in forums or social networking it shows where they've been and where to find them. I know that you used to have a blog that I enjoyed reading in regards to life and tv shows, etc. This sort of thing although fun and recreational, allows some psycho to think he's getting close to you- that you want him to get to know you better. An innocent activity but can contribute to a knuckle-head's delusion.
* Another thing is being aware of what's going on close to you. If possible I would make sure that he, relatives, and friends are not working at places like the power company, water department, cable or satellite TV company, Postal or UPS or FEDEX service, your auto garage, video store, financial institution, pharmacies, cell phone or other phone companies, law enforcement, or any place where he has access to information about you. Information is very easy to obtain about a person, especially online.
* I know this sounds really paranoid, but people can easily purchase GPS tracking systems that are small and relatively easy to hide on someone's car. They can sit at home and watch your global movements in your car on their PC. Many of these attach with a magnet. You might check your car over to see if anything looks unusual- particularly in the fender wells and in behind the bumpers if there's a metal surface. They can be placed on the undercarriage as the magnets are strong enough to withstand a lot of punishment without interfering with the electronics of the GPS.
* I believe you told me before that you had some self-installed alarms in your home. Make regular checks to see if they're working okay.
* There's lots of other things I could suggest, but these are some of the basics.
You do have the one advantage of knowing who he is and what he looks like. With this knowledge you can more easily see him coming, and you can file reports, request restraining orders, and have warrants issued if necessary.
In summary of my thousand page essay (sorry):
* Document in a personal journal details of all incidents
* Train and educate yourself
* Increase awareness
* Modify personal behaviors
* File restraining orders and report to law enforcement any incidents
(Anonymous)
Watched attentively
:)
The images were released to celebrate the arrival on Monday of Emma Tallulah, the couple's third daughter.
Bye.